Wondering about Growing Up

I grew up as a child of the 60’s and 70’s. My parents were mean. Well, they weren’t actually mean but they WERE strict and had rules. My siblings and I had chores and responsibilities and we were expected to perform them without question, without complaining and without being told. I thought that to be particularly unfair, especially compared to my friends, who seemed to do nothing.

As one of the boys, summer meant yard work and lawn mowing. Each Saturday morning, my job was to mow the lawn. I was tied to the house until that chore was complete. We had a yard that was a little over an acre of grass and, even with a tractor, it took me a couple of hours. I was sweaty and hot and I wanted to go play with my friends. I’d look across the street and I would see my best friend’s Dad cutting their lawn. I’d question my Father, “why can’t you be like him? I want to go inside and eat licorice whips or watch cartoons!” His simple response was that “We have rules and you will be better for it. You are learning responsibility.”  My brother had it worse than me. He had to trim around the trees and borders with a push mower. It was a real piece of junk and you had to start it with a piece of rope. There was no such thing as self – propelled back then! You had to muscle that old Toro into corners and under bushes and hope it didn’t fire a rock out the chute and maim someone.

Yard work was never ending, as well. There were always dandelions and other weeds to pull out, no chemicals for us! We had an old metal stick you jabbed next to the weed, jiggled it around and then pulled the whole thing out. We were told to make sure we got the whole root, “so it won’t grow back”. It didn’t take us long to figure out that they came back no matter what.  If trees needed trimming, we were expected to be on hand to lug the branches away. I didn’t think we had too many trees but it always seemed than my Dad found a branch or three or twenty any time he looked. If they were small enough, we had to break then for later use as “kindling”.  The big ones we had to drag into the woods but out of sight so that the yard didn’t look junky.

I think we were lucky that we got to do yard work. My sister had allergies and couldn’t touch a dandelion or smell freshly cut grass without having a reaction, so she got to clean the house. Apparently dust wasn’t a problem enough to excuse her, so she dusted and polished and vacuumed. After inspection with a white glove, she often had the opportunity to do it all again! My mom was very detailed in her inspection of the indoor chores! She also got to set the table and load and empty the dishwasher. I reminded her often that she was learning responsibility and “oh, while you’re at it, won’t you pick up my clothes!”  

The Fall and Winter brought their own special kinds of joy. Leaves seemed to target our yard like iron to a magnet.  I’d arrive home from school and find a note, Rake side yard. I’d cuss my luck and head out with an antique metal rake. One pass in the leaves and they’d all be  stuck in the tines. I’d impale more than I actually rakes. I’d spend more time pulling them out and then starting over. My friends would be out in their yards tossing a football around and having fun. At dinner I’d ask Dad, “Why do we rake, why don’t we just cut them up with our tractor like everyone else?” He’d tell me that “leaves are tough on the blades and you are learning discipline and taking pride in our yard.” I would have been proud to have the most leaves of all covering our yard but was never given that option.

Snow was a different scene. Dad took responsibility for that, with one caveat – AFTER he came home from work. If snow started during the day, it was our job to clear the driveway and the walks so that they were passable. If that meant we had to do it several times, then we were to do it several times. My friends would be sledding and frolicking in the snow and we were shoveling and sweating in our snow pants. Many times, someone would come by and invite us to come build an igloo or roll out a snow man. “Do this later, he’ll understand.” We never did since the rule was the rule. I vowed I’d never be that tough on my kids…

…And I think I was true to that. I expected them to help but didn’t have those hard and fast rules. I encouraged them to stack firewood and paint the deck but I didn’t really stop them from going with their friends. I let them try out my tractor and learn to use my snow-blower but didn’t require them to miss a practice or a jaunt to the movies. I showed them how to trim the hedges and rake up the debris but didn’t make them miss out on a trip to the beach to do so. I often wondered, was I too soft on my kids? Should I have demanded more?

This was a tough winter. One particularly snowy day, I was looking out my window at work. I was thinking about the drive home and wondering how long it might take me to clear the snow from my driveway. I thought that it would be a pretty good night for a fire. I hoped that we had the fixings for a decent dinner in house, as I knew I didn’t want to go back out.

The drive home was every bit as stressful as I had anticipated. Wind-blown snow and icy conditions made for a borderline migraine head ache as each mile went by. It was with great relief that I finally made the turn onto my street, even though it was obvious that the plow had yet to come by. I poked my way down the road and was preparing to ram my way into the driveway when to my great surprise, the driveway was shoveled! The sidewalk by the road and the path way to the house were also cleared! I parked the car in the garage and made my way into the house. It was warm and smelled delightfully like fried chicken. On the table was a tossed salad and I saw that the oven was set on “warm”. I looked into the living room and saw firewood stacked by the hearth and papers and kindling set beside. My daughter bounded down the stairs and said “I got home early today and thought I’d give you a hand!”

I wonder of what she was thinking?

I wonder of what my parents would think?

I know that I think it was wonderful.